I will share a story of a man and his unconditional love! This might sound like every other story but, this is a different one and this is how it all started!
“Please hold the door for me” he shouted while staring into my eyes!
As he entered the lift I noticed he was wearing a hat and was carrying a box with a bunch of stuff, it wasn’t covered properly!
“Ground floor for you too?” I asked him while pressing the switch as he was the only one there with me.
“Yes, and thank you!” He said.
I nodded my head and that was the last thing he said as I didn’t ask him anything because he sounded kind of off!
When the door opened he kind of ran away in a rush and by which he dropped one small envelope he was carrying, I tried to call him as soon as I noticed it but there was no sign of him!
I left up the envelope and went back to my hotel. Because I was so much tired and had to catch a flight next morning!
After having my dinner when I started to pack my stuff I discovered that envelope once again which I forgot about completely! I began to search for some name or address where I can send it back then I just found a photo of a girl and some notes! So, I thought about reading it and whatever I read made my heart-felt so heavy and this is what I read that night
My story might sound like a movie but I never understood what love is, I have always had this crazy definition about love what movies used to tell us but I never realized things have been changed because it is 21st century now! And if you find someone who stays with you no matter whatever mistakes you do is luck, and some people are so idiot or unlucky to understand that! I was diagnosed with cancer last month and maybe I will not survive my fight as I am broken inside and there is no one to hold me up and to tell me that they care for me, only hope I am getting is from my parents! Though they don’t know about my disease yet I mean I don’t have that courage to tell them I can accept the death but I can’t see them getting broken or crying a river in front of me so maybe this is my last note to the person I love the most, I am not including any dates so that my story will not be a history!
You know I never thought about love as a race like 1st or 2nd love! Only thing I have experienced is that if you love someone and anyhow they became successful by breaking your heart and every bit of your hopes and dreams you are pretty much gone and if by any chance if someone finds you in your dark and put light to your life you fall for them even more and if they break your heart again you pretty much lose every reason to live for at that point! I remember when the feeling of love was new to me I was in college and a teenager but unlike any other teenager I was kind of outdated because I used to write her poems maybe fancy flirt lines was never the cup of my tea! So, long story short she never wanted to have me in her life I was there just because she wanted someone who can give attention and poor me, like always I was making fool of myself! I have given her every bit of that special emotion people call it as love! Even after the first breakup, I gave her another chance just because she wanted to or maybe all her excuses were proven wrong by me and by my friends. But after a week or two when I realized yes because I was so dumb or maybe blind to notice that she was cheating! So, after that I removed myself from everything, I remember those times when I just locked myself into my room and just some songs! There is no shame to admit that I’m a soft person and I cried a lot, those nights were the worst part of my life! I remember how I used to cry in the shower so that anyone will not hear me out! I tried to write songs but you know if you want to move on you just have to do something which will not include the part where you have to think about her and it almost took me two years to realize that! Oh, I forgot to tell you in that time when I was enough strong to scroll social sites I met one incredible person who changed everything! But as what happens generally I was scared this time because last time I just jumped into the pool without knowing how to swim! Generally this time I was scared of falling in love once again because she is amazing and it’s hard for anyone to control that and also because for me to love someone is to invest yourself for that person, you lose everything to win them and by the part of losing; you lose yourself for that person and you expect to hold on the hope and to find the newer version of yourself which includes the other person and if you don’t get it then you are going to lose everything, your patience, your trust, every part of you!
Facebook is a great thing only if you can find someone interesting and eventually if that person becomes everything so this is what happened with me actually but there is always some hiccups in a great story! (Every love story is great) So, she was the one to find me in the crowd and she was also the one who texted me first! I am a shy person, I remember that day when I just saw her text popping on my phone and I started to panic about what should I reply, she might think me as a desperate guy if I reply her quick, so it took me a day to send her a hello! Funny but things escalated pretty first between us, we became great friends eventually and that time I felt like she was a savior who was healing all my wounds with her alchemy! (Even she used to text me first always and nowadays I always text her or call her even when she doesn’t want to talk, things have changed.) I kept falling for her without knowing that and I was also doubting her at the same time. After a lot of talking and all; we finally met one day and when I first looked at her I remember where she was standing and she was looking so beautiful that I can’t stop staring her, I noticed when she adjusted her specs also when she tucked her hair behind her ear and I remember everything! That day I was kind of happy and excited but when I reached home every bit of enthusiasm started to vanish when a gust of thoughts hit my mind! I started to reduce the daily text and eventually, a gap was creating in between us because of my trust issues! After a long when I was out of that well of thoughts I started to think about her, I realized she is not like others and I started to miss her thinking that maybe she is the one I should be with! I have tried many times to tell her about my feelings but when I actually did she told me that she dated one guy just because she thought I don’t have any interest in her and for some other stupid reason and that gave me a huge shock and I went to the phase from where I started, I began to doubt everything of everyone! But somehow, she fixed everything just like a wizard because there is something magical about her!
After a couple of ups and downs, we made another plan! “Let’s meet on that day” she said to me and I started to plan everything accordingly and I also thought I would propose her finally but in the last moment she canceled and I felt really bad that time I started to consider myself as the most unwanted person in this world I cried that day because every time I came closer to someone, that person always played with my emotions and this time I was so scared to lose her from my life because I will be alone in the dark once again and maybe this time I might not recover! I said her pretty bad things in anger but from inside I was sad and felt like broken even without loving her as I thought! Days were passing by but one thought was there always in my mind, I tried to talk to many people but never felt that connection or charm with anybody else! And eventually I gave up the meeting with new people. I had a fight with my best friend and that time was the worst time for me, because I was depressed and was having anger issues! I remember how I always kept looking at her social sites and waiting for the day when she will call me once again like every other time she did! And finally, she did! I was happy just like the first time but I was rude so I wasn’t replying to her properly basically was ignoring her but she didn’t give up which hit me hard and as I told earlier there is something magical about her so there was no option for me to stay away from her! She promised me such things will never happen again and she kept it very well that way and when we met after all this I wasn’t able to hold my feelings for her so I felt for her insanely and she started to become my every part of me before realizing it! I never wanted to lose her from my life even when I doubted her in the worst scenario, so I made a decision that I will ask her to be my girlfriend so that there will be no one else who can steal her away from me!
I remember the feeling when I hold her hand for the first time and she held mine back too! My heart felt like I was missing all this from ages! I love her silly things like the way she talks the way she behaves sometimes in a stupid way, and you have to see her while she eats, she looks ridiculously adorable! When she is around I like the way she smells, and she smells the same every time and I will never forget that sensation as long as I can breathe! You know sometimes you don’t need that much reason to fall for someone you just need a single push to love someone so deeply and for me it was a little but a big thing that is she never gave up on me when she could have! Because if she wished she can be with someone who’s better than me but she chose to keep me in her life, maybe! You know I was always afraid that I might lose her, though you might say you can’t lose someone when they don’t belong to you but sometimes you do get afraid of losing someone because you love them so much! I remember the day when she was tired of walking but she told me that walking is good for health, and some other day she was like let’s just walk, maybe because once I told her that I love to spend as much time as possible with her, so maybe that’s why she just told me to walk with her holding her hands, how can one not love this? I remember every expression of her happiness when I give her a letter or a rose or maybe some other stupid things, that always made me think that maybe I am also that one person for her who matters, maybe that’s why she never gave up on me.
Today was a bad day for me because the whole day I was waiting for her to call me but she didn’t and also, I noticed some blood when I coughed! For the time being, I thought this is nothing so I ignored it completely! You know I have waited hours for her when we made a plan because she was late but after that wait and standing alone it was always worth it because I could see her now and I can touch her! I remember how it was like for me to wait for her every day just to receive her text as well and sometimes I thought she is either ignoring me or I am not her priority anymore! But the end of the day she always asked me how was my day or even said sorry and boy, each time my heart melted like an ice. Days were passing by so well and we were making a strong bond also making some sweet memories together! Maybe that was not made for me after all, because after a month when I visited my doctor after finding blood stain at my handkerchief I was diagnosed with cancer. For that time, I had no idea what should I do, I was crying all night holding the ring which I made for her and reading the notes which I wrote for her keeping in mind that I will ask her to marry me on her birthday! But even she says yes after knowing all these, I can’t leave her alone like this and I have no rights to waste her life for some happiness! So, I have made a decision that I will make her leave me even before my death! I started to ignore her, I mean how can I talk while sobbing?
Days were passing by and a distance was creating between us according to my plan! I remember how I used to read our old conversation all day when she was busy in her college, I used to laugh but there were always some tears rolling out from my eyes thinking that this will be over soon! I remember when she used to text me at night when she was free but even though I was waiting for her text I had no words left but I ignored her text and cried all night thinking that I will be abandoned once again from all these happiness, I questioned God many times about his existence! When I found that person why he chose to take away from that me? I have dreamed about growing old with her I have dreamed about having a family with her, as because I have doubted her it took a hell lot of a time to get the feeling of the feeling that I love her the most! When she doubted me because even after all the ignorance I showed her, every time I behaved like a jerk and why I am in love with her now! Trust me I had no option I thought loving her completely with whatever I have got in me and maybe that will change her mind and will eventually make her fall for me too! I wonder if there is any God up there at all if so, then I would like to ask him why he gave me hope to dream once again, why he made me love her this much if I can’t get loved back! I was somehow alive back then, why you played such a bad game with me?
We had a big fight last night at least I made it that way because this is the best way to get away from her, I know she might hate me now and she might think that whatever feeling I showed her maybe was all fake but what else options do I have? I cried while saying I should not talk to you anymore, I don’t have any emotions left for you! You know the saddest part is when there is nothing left to talk about after that and when she thought I hang up so she had thrown her phone away, I heard she broke into tears and I couldn’t do anything rather crying and killing myself slowly! That night I had already died I wonder what cancer will do to me anymore! I made a decision that I will leave the town as soon as possible. Because if we ever meet again I might fall for her again and I would tell her I am sorry even knowing the situation! So, I am leaving this note, if you ever find this I just wanted you to tell that I am sorry and I love you the most but I can’t leave you alone knowing that I can’t make it through! Do forgive me if I was selfish but I will always love you even if I become a ghost, I will be lucky star always wishing the best for you! I will regret only one thing, though, I have always wanted to be with you no matter what and I have always feared about losing you but it’s all my fate that I have lost you, I have lost my happiness and my hope, I can see that all my dreams are fading away now! Maybe you might not forgive me but I still wish to have everything I said to you, but now I don’t have time for all those dreams! I will still be in love with you like the day I told you.
Then when I thought the story is over I saw a little poem written on the back of the photo
You might think that this is over,
But the love I showed will be there forever,
Maybe for some time you’ll feel the sadness,
But for me you are the only reason for my happiness!
Maybe you may think that my love was fake,
But baby you’re the reason for every breath I take!